One in the hand but still chasing "bush"!

I am primarily speaking for the ladies here (although in some cases the same applies for men) but what is it about men sometimes? They have a good thing "at home" (a good relationship, a good marriage, a good woman in their lives) but they still have to go out there looking?

Is it just human nature to want more?
Is it because they FEEL they are lacking SOMETHING even though they know what they have is good?

Are they confused? Do they have the "dog-and-the-bone" syndrome?

Scared of committment? Scared that someone they love might genuinely love them in return simply for who they are? 

What???

I have seen so many instances (and experienced it myself) where a man is in a wholesome relationship (I say wholesome because nobody / relationship is PERFECT), but they still go "out there" looking for....? WHAT???
Most times these men will even admit to being in love with their partners, and everything is there in terms of a "good" relationship...YET they have a plan B, or jump ship....even before the ship is sinking lol

...and ladies, don't whip out the church fans and start saying "mmhhmmm" just yet...because we are guilty too! Sometimes we have a great guy in our corner but sabotage the relationship anyway...

So it always make me wonder WHY?

One factor I know for sure is FEAR!
It IS scary to be completely in love with someone...it's even scarier sometimes to be loved in return and for reasons we cannot justify.
At the back of our minds, we're always wondering
"what is it that they want?" (ulterior motive)
"this can't be for real!"
....and the mind wanders and wonders...
and we become more and more paranoid until we talk ourselves out of probably the best thing that's ever happened to us (children not inclusive lol).
After all the years of allowing negative influences to affect your life: naysayers, being hurt, broken-hearted, bad relationships...yes it's difficult sometimes to accept it for what it is "THIS IS GREAT! I DESERVE THIS! I AM THANKFUL FOR (insert person here)!"

Love is a beautiful thing...when it's real...and when you allow it...
I hope if you're lucky enough to find someone you love, and they love you in return, that you love with reckless abandon...and don't sabotage it...savor every moment!
Yes, you deserve it!

"A message from down below" (ladies, a must-read!)

This is a funny interesting article. A friend sent me the article (from a local newspaper in Trinidad).
I shared it with my co-workers and now with you...

Ladies: take notes! lol
(I tried to find the link but no luck...please print, enlarge, zoom....you gotta read ! lol

4evermore (Anthony David)

At the Davis' wedding I attended this weekend, we (the bridal party) marched in to "4evermore" by Anthony David...it's such a beautiful song and Anthony has a rich voice that I absolutely love...



BUT the song I fell in love with AND his voice is "Words" with him and India Arie (another soulful voice and fab musician). When I first heard that song I wondered "Oh my goodness, who IS that singing with India?" and to this day is a favorite of mine...hope it's one of yours as well...

There are no good black men...Black Love (Part 2)

The newlyweds

Just to attest to the blogposts "There are No Good Black Men" (by The Massage Mogul) and Black Love (my blogpost) topics briefly...yesterday I shared a very special day with my friend, Ayesha, and her husband, Will...they are now newlyweds! But what was extra special about this wedding was the groom's vows. He had written his own vows (murmurs of surprise suffused the church) and whilst he read them to his bride, there was not a dry eye amongst the guests.

He spoke about his heart being her shelter and his arms being her home...(tear)...it was a truly beautiful moment. (His groomsmen joked and said "if you weren't getting married, you'd get a lot of a** for that speech!" lol)

Throughout the ceremony, the couple cried and laughed...you could really feel the love between those two.

There ARE black men who love hard, who are passionate about their girlfriends, or their wives (or both...just kidding lol); black men who work hard for their families, are good husbands and fathers, and lovers, and do whatever it takes to make their relationships/ family life work...even on the days when they feel like copping out...but don't!

I wish Ayesha and Will all the best in their shared life as husband and wife.





Black Love !

I once read a blogpost by the Massage Mogul "There are No Good Black Men" where people wanted to date outside their race because they had the grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side syndrome. The blog concluded by stating basically that:
Yes, there are good black men!
No, the grass is NOT greener on the other side (every relationship has its highlights and downsides)
and it is ok to date outside your race if love is the reason and not color.

I was raised in a family where color/ race was not important. Love is love and people are people.
Last night I had the pleasure of attending a wedding rehearsal for my dear friend, Ayesha, and when the groom thanked us for coming out and being a part of this special moment in their lives, he said "noone here is a friend, y'all are really brothers and sisters from another mother".

We ate, drank, told jokes (it's a fun bunch of characters...that wedding is going to be off da chain! lol) we partied into the wee hours of the morning, and as I looked at the couple, not only are they perfectly suited for each other, but they are also a shining example of "Black Love". They work hard, they party harder lol, they love hard...they take care of their family. Everyday is not perfect but they make it work; through the bills, the schedules with the kids, through life...and they are happy!

SO to all the naysayers, or those who've been so severely hurt that you think dating outside your race is the answer, Black  Love  exists!!!...but focus on love...love has no color, no race, no exceptions, no boundaries...Love is Love.

Someone Like You !

The video's finally here... I LOVE this song, I LOVE Adele, and I want her to rack up at the Grammys!

WTF??? (Video)

Stevie was on to something looooong before texting existed.

Great song and relevant in these times we're living in...(read the lyrics below...
By the way, on the recording Prince was on guitar and En Vogue on background vocals...epic!)




"If I'm caught at a dance party without my dancin shoes
And everybody dances on my bare feet
Shame on me
If I'm mindin my business just doin the right thing
And you try to front me off in the street
Shame on you
If a family's waiting for that special blessing to come their way
But they ain't tryin to get on their knees and pray
Shame on them
And if we live in a time where every nation's fightin
'round the world
Yet we can't all agree that peace is the way
Shame on us
Shame on me, Shame on you, Shame on them, Shame on us
[repeat]
So what the fuss

If I gotta get up early in the morning for a job interview
And I forget to set the stupid alarm
Shame on me
If my children are playin outside like little children do
And you come 'round there tryin to bring them some harm
Shame on you
Should I be drivin thru a klantown, find a restaurant to get me some food
And someone says "hey boy, we don't serve your kind"
Shame on them
And if we live in a democracy and you don't use your power to vote
Knowin some would like to turn back the hands of time
Shame on us
Shame on me, Shame on you, Shame on them, Shame on us
[repeat]
So what the fuss

If I'm hooked on a habit knowin damn well it could cost me my life
Yet I keep doin what I should do without
Shame on me
If you're locked in a marriage and your other half
just gives you abuse
Yet you've convinced yourself that there's no way out
Shame on you
If we're jammin the music and somebody's got the audacity
To say that they can jam it better than us
Shame on them
And should there be just a handful that believe that we are totally free
And there's no need to fight for equality
Shame on us
Shame on me, Shame on you, Shame on them, Shame on us
[repeat]
So what the fuss"

*Copied from MetroLyrics.com

RIP Vanessa Cooper

Vanessa on vacation

This weekend I received some really sad news: a friend died.
I met Vanessa at a Learning Annex seminar in the city. She was so full of spunk and life, and through the years we maintained a friendship; mostly via e-mail in this busy of world of schedules and "things" to do. She was fiery and funny, and always sent me the latest schedules of events around town before they were published so I got "the scoop" :)
We made plans every year to meet in the MTV building to watch the Macy's Day parade but everytime we thought of the crowd we would change our minds "maybe next year" lol.
When I received the news, I instantly felt sick to my stomach. It was sudden (to me)...I had no idea she was ill. She was always so cheerful and full of life...who knew?
My condolences go out to her life partner, Imhotep Byrd, her family and friends, and anyone who was affected by such a great person.
RIP Vanessa!

Elgar Cello Concerto, 1st movement

I read about this and decided to google...I'm glad I did because it's such a beautiful piece!

Relax with a glass of wine...and let the music transport you...enjoy!

Stuffed Cupcakes!

I tried this new spot called "Stuffed Cupcakes". They have amazing creations like "Cool Runnings" (a vanilla cupcake stuffed with mango amaretto mousse, topped with mango whipped cream; my fave so far!!), "French Vanilla", "Peach Cobbler" and "Instant Carma" (pictured above).

They've been featured in Oprah's Magazine, in the NY Times and on the Today Show....and I see why...they are sooooo goood!!!!

To check out all their interesting creations, click here: http://www.stuffedcupcakes.com/shop/

She's just NOT into YOU!

Recently I read my friend's blog (The Massage Mogul) and he wrote an entry titled "He's Just NOT into You". It's great insight and reinforces all the solid advice you've ever heard from your momma, best friend or what you know deep in your heart but choose to ignore at times. Coming from a male perspective, it really sends the message home.
HOWEVER, I want to say that this message also applies to the men.
Women are usually the emotional hopeless romantics. We will go above and beyond for a man we love. We have no problem spending a ton of money on hair and make-up, shopping for the latest lingerie at Vickys, doing all kinda stunts in the bedroom (even if it means displacing our back and risking head injury - that's another blog in itself lol) and STILL waking up at the crack of dawn to shower and look like we just happen to wake up looking like Halle Berry, cook AND feed our spouse - and possible kids.
Yes we ladies do it all and make it seem effortless...then there's the flipside.

Because there's a misconception that women were made to serve men, adore them and pop out their babies...some men feel that they automatically earn this right, or think we always feel this way. No boo...

The truth is, we, women, are sometimes like men...in a way lol

Firstly let's clarify a couple things...
I hate to break it to you but You are NOT the Holy Grail - despite what your mother or any other female has drilled in your head all your life. Most men believe they are God's Gift to women. You are God's Gift to the RIGHT woman, and hopefully someday you'll meet her.

Secondly, we are not looking at you as marriage material the moment we meet you. Sometimes we just want someone to mow the lawn, lift heavy bags/objects...you're there...hey... that's what I see sometimes lol don't judge me.
But on a serious note, no we do not all think marriage the moment we meet you.

Thirdly, we don't all want to "give up the cookies" to every single man we meet!
I admire the men who don't care about their pot-bellies, their missing teeth, their hairier than King Kong chests... I mean THAT is confidence! But uhm, no I ain't your 'ma' and I don't want to give YOU my cookie!

So here's a little cheat for you fellas - how do you know if she's not into you?...
(1) You go on a date, she keeps checking her phone or watch...
(2) After the date she zooms off and leaves skidmarks...
(3) If she doesn't call you/ text/ bbm/skype...
(4) If she does respond, she answers like she's an iRobot (with one word answers allll the time) - sorry! but...she's...just...not...into...you.
(4) If you have kids and she don’t give a rats ass about them…she ain’t into you at all! lol
(5) If you have to ask her for a kiss or to hold hands…guess what?
(6) If you're putting out and still not getting anything in return - you might just be her Tuesday night lol
(7) After sex she is happy to NOT cuddle...or ushers you out the door...
(8) If you're blowing up her phone and it's easier to get in touch with President Obama...
(9) If she ever answers your phone call with no zest in her voice or sounds highly irritated...(hint: it's not work/ feel free to insert any other random excuse...)
(10) If she suggests you spend more time with your mother (and your mother makes Roseanne Barr look like child's play)...DEAD GIVEAWAY! lol

There are many great men out there, as are great women...it's like wine and cheese...you just have to find the right pairing!