The Men That Make Us Go "UGH!"

I was reading "Are You Socially Awkward?" on The Massage Mogul's blog and while I was commenting, I realized this warrants it's own blogpost.
"Are You Socially Awkward?" touches on the topic of how difficult it can be sometimes for men to approach women (especially "pretty" women). One of the tips for the men is "Don’t create an alter ego! Be yourself!!!" and this is what I want to address.

Men: I'm sure it's not always easy to approach us women. We are fickle, hormonal, we reek of attitude (sometimes lol), you never know if PMS or a full moon is to blame, but at the end of the day you want our "Good Goods"

 

Well, in one of The Massage Mogul's blogposts, he addressed the ladies briefly by saying that when we DO get approached by a man, don't roll our eyes and "act up" because it took a lot of courage for that man to approach us in the first place. As a woman, let me help you fellas out a bit.

 

There are a few types of men, who I'm almost SURE some woman out there has encountered at some point in her life, and THESE are the types who cause us women to act a fool! (DMX voice) 

Cool Guy a.k.a. Rico Suave - This guy is TOO COOL FOR HIMSELF! He's usually well dressed, "casket-sharp!", You could TELL Steve Harvey is his hero! A French whore has no competition with the cologne on this guy. He's the guy who practices all his lines and facial expressions in the mirror. He has to because there is no way someone could be THAT corny! You ever hear a line and feel the bile buildup at the back of your throat? YUP! Courtesy Cool Guy! He will have some fake Teddy Pendergrass voice, raise one eyebrow and say "hey baby, you must be tired cause you've been running through my mind all day!" or something of that nature. We don't try to be mean, but "Mother Earth PLEASE open and swallow me whole!!!" comes to our mind at that moment and automatically our eyes roll.

Word to Cool Guy: We don't need the generic lines to figure out if we like you or not. We see right through all that and chances are we already have assessed you to some degree in our minds. Just be yourself. 

The Hype Man - This guy is a spin-off of Cool Guy. He doesn't have a "pot-to-piss-in" as my grandmother used to say (who pees in a pot is beyond me but I didn't question grandma ok?!). He rides "on the passenger side of his best friend's ride" and the world has to know about it. He is loud/obnoxious, and everyone in the room HAS to know he's there. He's the guy that will boast about everything his friend has. "Yeah my boy is the friend of the security guard of (insert hot club here) and we were in there last night". He has pics of himself in front of some cool car (the friend's rental in Miami) or whatever. He is ALL OVER THE PLACE! Automatically we think "scrub" if we're not too drunk to entertain you and your foolishness at that moment, and "UGH!" comes to mind. Sometimes we suppress the Rick Ross grunt, sometimes we don't.

Word to Hype Man: If you meet a woman worth something, none of this is impressive. Get your own. If you meet a gold-digger, all this will be fun until she realizes it ain't your gold to be got, and she will move on. Let us like you for you.

The Show-off - THIS guy actually owns stuff. He is accomplished or has established himself in some way and he has us until... "I own". Your foot is in the coffin: jump in. The intriguing conversation turned into his portfolio. The cars, the house, the money, the membership to the private gym/ elite club...sigh. We will get to know you if we want to get to know you. I understand that you want to make that first impression count but we don't want all the statistics upfront. Don't get me wrong, I am yet to hear a woman say "I'll take the bum for $200 please Alex!". Yes, we like a man who has his s**t together, especially after we've worked so hard to establish ourselves, but this is not Speed Dating 101.

Word to The Show-off: Breathe! Besides, do you really want a woman who likes you for what you have, or likes you for you? (And this only makes us wonder: Is he over-compensating for Mr Wee Wee?)

The Drama Queen - This title is aptly used by my friend, Mich. Wanna take a lucky guess why? YES DRAMA usually precedes this man. Before we get to know YOU, we have to hear about your trifling baby mamas, your bad ass kids, your warrants for unpaid tickets (crickets). In a way, that usually helps us weed you out from the start, BUT you are short-changing yourself. We appreciate the honesty, but we are not invested enough to care. We are not asking you to be phony, we are asking about you. What are some qualities about yourself that we might like? A woman who cares about you will support you through it all...but we don't want all that shoved down our throats from "hello!" Chances are we have our OWN drama to deal with: our own baby daddies, bills, PMS, the moon, whatever. When we say we want someone "to bring to the table" we mean partnership, not baggage!

Word to the Drama Queen: Less is more. Gradually she will get to know you. This is a date/first time meeting, not a therapy session.

My FAVE! The Bad Boy - Most women I know like a man with a "bad-boy" streak! We know he is Mr. Wrong but our hearts race and our "pannies" drop! He's undeniably sexy. We kick Gabrielle Union off the bed in "Daddy's Little Girls" and we envision ourselves in the arms of Idris and...oh wait, wrong blog!

This guy has a little thug in him; women want to be protected and nurtured and he has that "I've got your back" swag, he's the t-shirt and jeans with timbs kinda guy, he's not trying to have that it-factor...he just does. Bad Boy, you have me until...I'm sorry what did you say? "Get me a drink!" "Fix me a sammich!" "Gimme a kiss!" "Listen B**ch!" "U betta...!".............UHMMMM you see these trigger words?? Unless we're role-playing in the bedroom, YOU HAVE LOST YOUR MIND AND YOU NEED TO CALL JESUS BEFORE I LOSE MINE! Bad boys have issues! We love them but why do you think they call them BAD!?

Word to The Bad Boy: Call me boo (bats eyelids...oh wait no) I mean, call 1-800-HELP or team up with The Drama Queen and go to group therapy! We as women want care, not black eyes or names our mommas didn't give us!

Sidenote: There is also the FAKE Bad Boy. Yes, the "tough guy" who looks the part, or talks a good game (usually referencing all the ways in which he is tough) but deep down inside is as aggressive as a petunia. Please don't pretend. It is completely unattractive. 

Bottom line: BE YOURSELF!