Friday, July 23, 2010

Vajazzle my vajayjay???

Today I learned about Vajazzling. Ever heard about the Bedazzler? Well apparently Vajazzling is the same concept, but instead of putting rhinestones on jeans and accessories etc, you can now have Swarovski crystals, designs and even tattoos DOWN THERE!!!!
YES DOWN THERE!!! You'll LITERALLY be able to call them ' the family jewels'.

At first I thought the girl who told me was kidding, then I googled it, and low and behold there it was...SEVERAL links about Vajazzling! Jennifer Love-Hewitt apparently is a big fan of this and there was even a "How to" video on Youtube!
As I was trying to wrap my mind around this, the girl continued her story and told me about a salon in NJ that actually does this (that's where SHE first learned of it)...and get this....THERE'S A FULL MENU, laminated and all! She said there's a variety of ways to design your 'goods'. You can get the fully monty (lol) rhinestones from your navel alllll the way down, or just accent certain areas.

So my next question is "WHO invented vajazzling?"
Who sat there and decided one day that their genitalia should have dye, or glitter, or rhinestones for that matter? And ok, one could think that somehow this might be interesting to explore, you know, jazz up your sex life, be creative and all that........ but then what?
Firstly, how do you walk into a salon and order that? "Hey yes, good morning, I'm here for a pink mohawk with some glitter and oh yeah one side of the rhinestones all around it please...thnx!", or do you say "I'd like a #3 with a 5, 6 and a touch of #7"...I mean how DO you do that?
And what about the vajazzlers? I thought OBGYNs had it bad, but how do you break the news to mom and dad? to anyone? "yeah I design vajayjays for a living" do you complete a form, a job application, a medical record.... under occupation? Vajazzler!
How is that even comfortable for your vajayjay? How do you wear underwear with all the rhinestones? SHOULD you wear underwear with it? And if you don't, did you have it designed for show and tell? "Hey look what I had done today?" (raises skirt, sparkling and proud).

I suppose being a vajazzler is an honest living (BRUTALLY honest if you ask me) and apparently people out there think their vajayjay should have as much bling as Paris Hilton's pooch, but my visits to the OBGYN and trips to Victoria's Secret are about all the extra special treatment MY vajayjay is ever gonna get!

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