Friday, May 6, 2011

Wha de mudda? (Trini on de loose!)

Aye! Who brite idea it was tuh have Mudda's day? EHH??!!! U know how loooooooooooooong we had muddas on dis earth???? Long time! Ah wanna say as far back as Eve (she is de one who had dat abusive Cain and foobeh Abel right? whaever ) Anyway is long time we hah muddas on dis planet!
Muddas day eh nuttn more than anudda way of Uncle Sam DIGGIN into yuh friggin pockets!! Tank yuh President Woodrow! STEUPS!!!
Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssss tuntun Anna Jarvis decide tuh lobby fuh a holiday fuh muddas day! Yuh tink she couldna jus bake a blasted cake fuh she mudda and pick 2 periwinkle from de garden and say "yeah ma, hold dat! yuh iz a borse!!"
Naaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! She hadda LOBBY fuh a holiday (blasted vaginian, ah mean Virginian!). Like she LURVE she mudda more dan eeeeeevrybody else luv theirs!!
Den, of course, in typical mad people fashion, when President Woodrow make it ah official holiday...yuh know de woman vex??? She fine it geh tooooo "commercial" ! She call it "Hallmark holiday" and gone protesting all over de place and geh she aaaaassss lock up!  cacahole!
Is better she did sign a patent leather or copyright something and geh a lil money from Hallmark cause she dead without a cent in she pocket...poor ting rest she soul!

Poor ting my big toe!!! Dis holiday costn me money!! My mudda pass away when ah was small (God bless her soul) so she is not de expense, buh is all kinda tanty raise meh and ting nah...pressha! I cah give meh "favorite" aunt present and not de odders cause den ah does feel guilty when ah tink bout de trailaload ah dem who had input in meh life...who know dey say it take a village? Well is like I hadda buy fuh de whole kiss-meh-ass village  (well except de one who used tuh cut meh tail de most...she geh eliminated long time! I feel she is a descendant from Cain bloodline or de devil spawn or sumting! Dat woman abusive! I geh lix fuh ting I do and ting I ain't...buh dah is a next story!)

Den allll meh fren and dem gone and have pickney! Meh best fren, she fren, meh fren was sale on baby and none on condom! By de time I buy card, flower, gift....AND DEY BOLD TUH BOOT!!! Dey want yuh tuh BUYYYYY ting fuh dem!!! Wha happen tuh making card on construction paper and designin with glitter and ting...or making a lil paper-marche bowl or someting (I didn't even know ah was talkn French in dem days, a nearly bite up meh tongue all kinda ting but ah didn't care cause it sound porsh!) yuh tink dey couldn't take dat and say "God is Love" or "Mandy real nice dread" whichever come first!?  Naaaaaahhhhhhhh dey want gift!
Even people who does normally be passing me straight does be hollering and giving me all kinda well wishes fuh Muddas Day...all I does be giving dem is cut-eye!

Look ah gehn HEATED jus tinkin bout dis right now so look, love is daiz wha EVERYBODY gehn dis year!


blackindian said...

well yesssss!!!cyahcyahcyah u have me rollin here!!

Anonymous said...

I understood every word you said it in English! Hahaha!