Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Top 10 things that annoy me about the holidays...

10. Not because you're my child's teacher means you deserve a present! First of all, if my son was Little Johnny then maaaaaaaaaaybe I'd understand but you get PAID to do this so don't send home any flyers saying that you should get a gift and then tell me how much I should contribute! (Class parents, you WILL be paintballed for organizing that mess!)

9. The grinches & the scrooges: Listen, I don't give a flying facockta why you don't wanna celebrate this year (death or serious issues non-inclusive)...if it's because you spent all your money on designer clothing or some other random mess and now you're broke, please step aside...you're boring me and I'd rather watch paint dry!

8. I know it's not always easy to get a babysitter, but I am trying to shop IN PEACE! I don't wanna hear you're whiney little brat while I'm shopping. I would put a cork in my kid if I have to, I expect you to do the same!

7. Speaking of shopping in peace, do I REALLY need to hear your convo with Tiquana bout where she bees at? Or that Jimbob would just lurrrrrrrrrrvvvv the plaid shirt you're getting him instead of the checkered one? You and your cell phone need to step outside and freeze to death!

6. I used to be highly opposed to leashes for kids...now I know why they make them. Invest in one! When I pull out an item from the clothing rack I DON'T wanna see your little beady-eyed kid peering back at me. Cute to you; highly annoying to me!

5. If they bounce that balloon one...more...time...in my direction, I WILL pop the s**t! This is a mall NOT a playground! (P.S. I have no problem using WWF moves on lil kids!)

4. When you get to the front of the line, please be prepared! GET OFF THE CELL and have coupons, money, credit card etc in hand...and NO you cannot run back through the store to grab one more item you idiot...other people have things to do...back of the line for you!

3. Holiday traffic is already brutal so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't saunter across the parking lot like you're in your bedroom! I will run you over!

2. Holiday concerts - SAAAAAVE the speeches! We all know that we're only there to see our own little adorable precious child. All the other classes? yawn! So let's just move this along and thank the 100 faculty members individually on your own time.

1. HOLIDAY SWEATERS!!! If you're not over 60, that is UNACCEPTABLE ! If I see a Christmas tree WITH LIGHTS on your sweater, or Rudolph's nose blinking at me, I will punch you in your chest!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

hahahahahaha i especially agree w/ the "i'll pop that balloon"..seriously, when i was a kid, i'd get backhanded from my mom just for breathing in someone else's territory and now it's perfectly normal to get hit by a balloon or rammed by a kid on rollersneakers...