Sunday, August 21, 2011

Hi, my name is Mandy and I'm a whore-duh!

...oops, I mean hoarder
...yes, me... and I didn't even know I was...until now!

I'm the first person to throw out everything if it looks at me too long. I've given away clothes because I thought "I'd never wear THIS again", only to go rummaging through my stuff later on in life when I have those "it'd be the perfect ____ to go with this ____" moments, and find it's not there!
"Oh yeahhhhh ya gave it awayyyyyy ya schmuck!" (slumps and walks back to closet to find something else to wear). This is my life story!

Leftovers only last in the fridge a day (maybe two).
If I haven't been using something for a while and I keep seeing it, guess what? Yup, give away! I always feel someone else would really appreciate/ use it more than I would.

NOBODY I know Spring cleans more than I do...(except some of my friends: Ana - who makes Ikea look like child's play... Joanna - who cleans before her cleaning service comes to her house lol...and my aunt Sherry - the epitome of OCD lol).

But here's where I'm now realizing I'm a - gasp - hoarder: I've been clearing out filing bins etc and ended up with an insurmountable pile of paper!!! I had bank statements since First Union existed, phone bills from Bell Atlantic and receipts since Moses was born! It was as though I SWORE the IRS was coming to audit me (God Forbid!) but if they did I'D be prepared!! HAHA!! They wouldn't get ME because I was ready!!!
WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING?????
I have enough paperwork to heat HELL! One massive bonfire and voilĂ !

One year I could probably understand, but all these years???? WHY? ("I don't know! I don't know" I yell to my alter ego and all those other voices judging me!)
Then my psychoanalytical mind (emphasis on psycho) begins to think "do I have issues with letting go?" I don't think so since I throw out everything, except my son, for the most part. "Do I watch too many CIA/ FBI movies?" (Sometimes I act as though I'm starring in "Enemy of the State")... I mean I have no clue why I thought I would need all this SHIT!!
So I bought a high-tech shredder to chew through all those years of my life. The poor thing diligently chugs through like the little shredder that could.


The highlight was when a co-worker (who's sitting at my old desk) decided to clear out THAT filing bin, and finds:

MORE SHIT!!
Magazine clippings (like I thought I'd read on my down time?)
Negatives - yes negatives from Halloween pics many moons ago --- WHO EVEN KNOWS WHAT "NEGATIVES" ARE ANYMORE!!????

stuff co-worker found in desk

Negatives - for those of you born today
But this will NOT happen to me anymore! EVERYTHING is get shredded or chucked A S A P!
So let's just say I'm a recovering hoarder.
Hi, my name is Mandy...
....and I've been CLEAN since .....this blog entry...(insert grand applause here)

1 comment:

stefansi said...

Say Hello to your twin...However ,I keep tonnes of other stuff because in my mind, I'm gonna use it someday....
Last time I checked the calender, someday doesn't exist.