Me, the fat bastard and the little heiffer with wings!

I FINALLY had 'the talk' with my son about Santa and the tooth fairy. How do you spell relieved? M-A-N-D-Y!
Back in July I told you about his suspicions about me being the tooth fairy (if you missed that blog entry click here) well we finally discussed it.
We were in the car when suddenly he asks "Mommy are you Santa?"
....BUSTED!! How do I answer this without crushing his spirit or him thinking his MOTHER is a big fat liar! So I in turn ask him "What made you think of that?" (after all we ARE in September!) and he replies "Well I was thinking about my Christmas list (yes he's a pre-planner! smh) and I was just wondering if YOU were Santa".
So I fessed up. I explained to him how it all started and I didn't really want to lie to him but I also thought he was too young to understand and I didn't want him to think that "Santa" didn't give him any presents because he was "naughty". Of course that led to the Tooth Fairy in which I also had some 'splainin' to do.
But while I was worried that this might totally devastate him, and would ruin his trust in me forever, the little runt says "so Mommy, now that I know YOU'RE Santa, should I just give YOU my list?"
(sideways glance).

(Google image)

Here I am relieved that I not only 'came clean' but also ecstatic that I no longer have to buy presents and stash them, or figure out how to get him to bed early enough so that the presents mysteriously appear on Christmas morning, no longer would that fat bastard get all the credit for the "REALLY GOOD" gifts, no more "Santa gave me EXACTLY what I wanted" while mom just gets a dry thank-you for all the 'other' stuff....and this little ingrate is already preparing a list for me for DECEMBER????
All his innocence was washed away as he said "SOOOOOOOO Mrs Claus, (his tone dripping with sarcasm) I want an iphone, plasma tv, a..."
I stopped him immediately, "no YOU need a job!"